Dear Lady Fluffy Beaver,
I’m tired of my sister-in-law’s placenta gifts. Last Christmas she gave me placenta underarm and inner-thigh whitening cream, and for my birthday she gave me a DIY Placenta Encapsulation Kit which I found totally creepy as I don’t have a baby. How can I stop the placenta deluge?
Dear Placental Fatigue
I understand your plancenta-induced ennui and was surprised to see just how many placental products there are out there. There’s placenta cosmetics (I like the lipstick called Ahoy there, placenta); pharmaceuticals (mothers can buy and consume their placenta in capsule form, the making of which is now a boom business thanks to celebrity endorsements by the likes of Tom Cruise and January Jones); and in food (hmmm, shall I have a cup of Milo or go for a placenta-shake?).
Why your sister-in-law would want to whiten your inner thighs is beyond me as one assumes she’s unlikely to find herself between them any time soon. The DYI encapsulation kit is even more disturbing. My advice is to always make sure there’s someone in the same room with you both whenever she visits. Or you could move to another continent, there’s a number to choose from.