Dear Lady Fluffy Beaver.
Please help me! After reading a number of books that leave my lady parts tingling, I think I’ve discovered a deformity in myself or, worse, my boyfriend.
It’s my hands.
Or my boyfriend’s willy.
Or my hands and my boyfriend’s willy.
In every romance or erotic novel I’ve read, the hero’s willy is so large that the heroine’s hands can’t fit around it. My hand wraps around my boyfriend’s man sausage with room extra left over. No matter what I do or how excited I get him, we can’t achieve a hand-willy ratio that can match what I read about in my favorite novels. What can we do? Am I missing out?
Not Enough Sausage, Too Much Roll.
Oh deary, deary me.
I’m afraid you’ve come across a deformity commonly seen in the romance world as “Tiny Hand Syndrome.” When confronted with a pants python, many a romance heroine experiences hand shrinkage in direct proportion to the python’s growth. It’s a symbiotic thing really. Someone should look into it. Balance occurs when the python has grown to the point where the heroine’s fingers have shrunk sufficiently so that they can no longer fit around it, thus letting it breathe and not cutting off its air supply.
Women in the real world, fortunately, don’t suffer from this awful affliction. So, in short (or long), nothing is wrong with your hands, or your boyfriend’s mighty appendage but I would encourage you, most strongly, to donate to any Tiny Hand Charity you see.
Yours in Fluffiness