Ninja Article Storage

Rhyll "The Lady" Biest Lays Some Pipe With Paul The Plumber

man in shower small copy.jpg

Rhyll Biest interviewed Paul the plumber and discovered that plumbers are a friendly bunch, so much so that his mate wanted to answer some questions too! So now you have the facts from not just one plumber, but two!

Do plumbers ever deliberately flash the ‘plumber’s smile’ (aka ‘plumber’s crack’)?

I personally don’t, but know a lot who do. Mostly older plumbers.

Is fraternization a no-no between plumbers and clients? 

No, not really (only if you get into trouble for it). Neither condoned or frowned upon. Possibly congratulated upon later.

What about between plumbers working for the same practice?

Haven’t encountered it, but at TAFE there was a female apprentice who shagged a male apprentice. But really, there’s a very low chance of it happening, given the low percentage of women plumbers and (known) gay plumbers.

What are the traits of a good plumber?

Neat, tidy, polite, courteous, punctual, hard working.

What’s the most unusual thing that has happened to you as a plumber? 

I attended a house once where they complained their drains were blocked. After checking, it turned out every single drain in the house was blocked, because the owner had filled them with kitty litter. At another job, I was working outside and a girl came out in her bikini to sunbathe.

Went to a job recently where a lady lived with her teenage daughters. On the coffee table I saw pot, porn, lines of drugs ready to go. And family photos on all the walls. I've also worked on a shower that had a sex chair built into the wall. And it had a long thin shower head with nipples that could be used as a dildo. You can also get shower heads with ‘massaging and pulsating’ functions. You may find this useful in your book.

Thanks for the tip! Who are the most unusual people you’ve met on the job?

I worked for the owner of a brick company who lived in a mansion on a cliff. There were catacombs to get down to his boat on the waterfront. 

I did a lot of work at a convent. The nuns were always really nice to me. The Mother Superior was Sister Clara, she loved me, and always came out to speak with me and hug me. She was about four foot five. I told her I was planning on going on around the world holiday and all the nuns gave me a Saint Christopher medallion to protect me on my travels.

When I was working in London, I did a job in a guy’s house. At one point I had to go down to the basement and saw a wall lined with records, and another with CD’s and there were awards everywhere. I asked the guy if he was in the music business, and he said he was one of the Chemical Brothers.

Do plumbers have their own jargon? 

Plumbers jargon is quite sexual. Nipples, different types of flanges (kind of like different bra sizes), male and female fittings (i.e. you use the male fitting to join onto a female fitting), stop cocks, cock valves, ball valves. And then there’s the general tradesman talk “Shit doesn’t fly up hill”, “Got a gas leak? Check for it with a lighter.”

How do plumbers like to unwind after slaving over someone’s pipes all day?

Go to “The skimpies” (which is a pub that has topless, or bikini wearing entertainment or bar workers), or the nearest pub with the boys after work. Drinking and rooting are the norm.

What do plumbers dislike (i.e. it makes their job harder)?

Customers haggling over the cost once the job has been completed, or when you go out of your way to help someone–get their hot water going–and then they don’t pay. Also, people watching what you’re doing and telling you how to do it. Like a site supervisor, or an engineer telling you what to do. You tell them it won’t work, they tell you to do it and when it doesn’t work, they blame you. The plumber is liable for all work, not the engineer, even though they were the one’s who designed it.

Which celebrity would you like to see cast as a plumber in a movie?

Not a middle aged man with a beer gut, as they seem to be the stereotypical plumber. They use their arms all day long, therefore have lovely arms and backs and are kind of buff. Someone young, like Ryan Gosling. Or Jason Statham.

Plumbers are good with pipes. Could you imagine this skill coming in handy in a romance novel?

Well, they use their arms and hands a lot, therefore they’re very strong and quite fit. A young fit man, working with his hands, sweating in a singlet and shorts, that’s a pretty sexy sight. Also, they have the ability to fix things around the house. That’s always handy.

What do you think is sexy about plumbers? 

Really sexy, defined triceps from all the digging. Fit body from all the physical work. Strong forearms and big tools.

So there you have it, erotic romance writers and readers, plumbers are perfect hero/heroine material. I'm off to write a plumber story right now!