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Lady Fluffy Beaver Talks Apostrophe Abuse

Dear Lady Fluffy Beaver,

My new boyfriend is an apostrophe abuser, should I ditch him?

Regards,

Strunk-panties

 

Dear Strunk-panties

While it’s true that good grammar (and punctuation and spelling) is sexy, you need to weigh up the pros and cons (or ho’s and inmates, as I like to say) involved.

Contrary to what the song would have you believe, it ain’t raining men out there, so even if your cuddle-umpkins can’t spell for shit, you need to consider what other bounty he brings to your life. Does he do right by your lady parts and their surrounding environs? Does he run a shelter for homeless sloths? Does he find your lady tornadoes endearing?

If so, then I’d consider either sitting him down with a copy of the Elements of Fucking Style or letting that shit slide, because your little home-nugget is pretty fly.

If, on the other hand, you’re using the term ‘boyfriend’ loosely (i.e. to refer to someone you once licked at an orgy) then I say fuck ‘im and chuck ‘im because, let’s face it, it’s easier to find a new boy-toy than to teach the rules of grammar. (Unless, of course, you enjoy that whole teacher–student ‘instruction’ role play thing and have the thighs to get away with wearing one of those teacher costume mini-skirts.)

Yours in grammar solidarity,

LFB

P.S. If he’s not a reader, please don’t breed with him.