Dear Lady Fluffy Beaver,
I want to propose to my derby wife so we can get married at Rollercon but don’t know how to do it romantic-like. Also, what kind of underwear do you think I should wear for the pants-off dance off?
Yours in derby angst,
Shit no bricks, Slamsbury, the LFB is here to help.
For an uber-romantic proposal, I recommend making a video of yourself proposing in the middle of a circle-twerk. Surround yourself with all the other derby wives, wait until they’re twerking madly, and then sing your proposal. I suggest using a short tune (unless you want to turn it into a twerkathon).
Then upload to YouTube and wait for your partner to accept. As an added bonus, you may get acceptances from other people!
As for what to wear at the pants-off dance off, that’s easy. Anything without pants that’ll let you bust a move (I don’t recommend a ball gown made of monkeys).
Yours in derby-love solidarity,