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Lady Fluffy Beaver: Proposing To Your Derby Wife

Dear Lady Fluffy Beaver,

I want to propose to my derby wife so we can get married at Rollercon but don’t know how to do it romantic-like. Also, what kind of underwear do you think I should wear for the pants-off dance off?

Yours in derby angst,

Angela Slamsbury


Shit no bricks, Slamsbury, the LFB is here to help.

For an uber-romantic proposal, I recommend making a video of yourself proposing in the middle of a circle-twerk. Surround yourself with all the other derby wives, wait until they’re twerking madly, and then sing your proposal. I suggest using a short tune (unless you want to turn it into a twerkathon).

Then upload to YouTube and wait for your partner to accept. As an added bonus, you may get acceptances from other people!

As for what to wear at the pants-off dance off, that’s easy. Anything without pants that’ll let you bust a move (I don’t recommend a ball gown made of monkeys).

Yours in derby-love solidarity,