Vaccum truck drivers are a pretty tough lot to pin down, so I really have to thank Vance's wife, Kelly, for helping to bribe him with a Caramello Koala to get this interview. Thanks, mate.
RHYLL: What are this season’s fashion must-haves for vacuum truck drivers?
VANCE: Steel capped boots and a sexy, fluoro orange shirt.
RHYLL: How big is your rig and how strong is your suck?
VANCE: My rig is the biggest operating in this region and I can suck a consistent 22 pounds per square inch.
RHYLL: Are you a sewer sucker or will you suck anything? (i.e. gas, oil spills etc)
VANCE: Not fussy, although I draw the line at dead bodies.
RHYLL: What’s the best vacuum truck operator joke you know?
VANCE: The jokes all suck.
RHYLL: What are the traits of a good vacuum truck operator?
VANCE: You need exceptional endurance and manpower to suck hard all day long.
RHYLL: What’s the most unusual thing that has happened to you on the job?
VANCE: I once caught my arm in the auto retracting hose reel and pinned myself to the truck – a very vulnerable position indeed.
RHYLL: Who are the most unusual people you’ve met on the job?
VANCE: Electricians are generally weird critters.
RHYLL: Tell us a bit about vacuum truck operator jargon.
VANCE: It’s all about inches, suction, depth, pressure, and capacity. In our world, size really does matter.
RHYLL: How do vacuum truckies like to unwind after vacuuming all day?
VANCE: I come home and vacuum the house for my darling wife (vacuum in one hand, scotch in the other).
RHYLL: What do vacuum truckies dislike (i.e. it makes their job harder)?
VANCE: Rock, bad weather and meddlesome peeps.
RHYLL: Which celebrity would you like to see cast as the romantic hero (and vacuum truck operator) in a movie?
VANCE: Without a doubt the beautiful Pamela Anderson. She is a pro-sucker with reputable lips.
RHYLL: What do you think is sexy about being a vacuum truck operator?
VANCE: In the summer I love getting hot, sweaty, and splattered with human faeces.