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Rhyll interviews Vance the vacuum truck driver

Vaccum truck drivers are a pretty tough lot to pin down, so I really have to thank Vance's wife, Kelly, for helping to bribe him with a Caramello Koala to get this interview. Thanks, mate.


RHYLL: What are this season’s fashion must-haves for vacuum truck drivers?

VANCE: Steel capped boots and a sexy, fluoro orange shirt.

RHYLL: How big is your rig and how strong is your suck?

VANCE: My rig is the biggest operating in this region and I can suck a consistent 22 pounds per square inch.

RHYLL: Are you a sewer sucker or will you suck anything? (i.e. gas, oil spills etc)

VANCE: Not fussy, although I draw the line at dead bodies.

RHYLL: What’s the best vacuum truck operator joke you know?

VANCE: The jokes all suck.

RHYLL: What are the traits of a good vacuum truck operator?

VANCE: You need exceptional endurance and manpower to suck hard all day long.

RHYLL: What’s the most unusual thing that has happened to you on the job?

VANCE: I once caught my arm in the auto retracting hose reel and pinned myself to the truck – a very vulnerable position indeed.

RHYLL: Who are the most unusual people you’ve met on the job?

VANCE: Electricians are generally weird critters.

RHYLL: Tell us a bit about vacuum truck operator jargon.

VANCE: It’s all about inches, suction, depth, pressure, and capacity. In our world, size really does matter.

RHYLL: How do vacuum truckies like to unwind after vacuuming all day?

VANCE: I come home and vacuum the house for my darling wife (vacuum in one hand, scotch in the other).

RHYLL: What do vacuum truckies dislike (i.e. it makes their job harder)?

VANCE: Rock, bad weather and meddlesome peeps.

RHYLL: Which celebrity would you like to see cast as the romantic hero (and vacuum truck operator) in a movie?

VANCE: Without a doubt the beautiful Pamela Anderson. She is a pro-sucker with reputable lips.

RHYLL: What do you think is sexy about being a vacuum truck operator?

VANCE: In the summer I love getting hot, sweaty, and splattered with human faeces.