Ah, the mighty disco stick, where would writers be without it? Why, without them we’d have to resort to chaste hand-holding on beach scenes (and to boring insults like ‘chuckle-head’), so let’s all thank the gods of Ding Dong McDork for the dude piston and allow me to introduce you to some choice Glorious Glossary of Naughty Anatomy terms—with bonus examples of usage.
Ankle spanker The duke clasped Letitia in a passionate embrace and his tumescent ankle spanker pressed against the layers of her petticoats.
Ding Dong McDork Lady Penelope yearned for the earl’s Ding Dong McDork to fill her snizz.
Disco stick “Please Lord Bastard, cudgel me with your disco stick until I see stars.”
Dude piston Thick and long, the earl’s dude piston thrust out from his groin, straining for her delicate lady touch.
Hairy hot dog Lady Quimverse often wished she’d been born a man so she didn’t have to ride side-saddle and could play with her hairy hot dog all day long, just like her cousin, Lord Peckerwood.
Kickstand Scarlett inspected the earl’s kickstand to check for sores. She’d worked in the brothel long enough to know that even noble clients could be poxy.
Man umbrella Princess Naïve wondered what the large bulge in the prince’s pants could be. Was it a man umbrella?
Meat popsicle The Duke of Essex felt his meat popsicle stir at the sight of Lady Penelope’s tidy ankles.
Middle stump The duke eyed his riding britches with disfavour; the seam tended to bifurcate his middle stump, a potentially fatal distraction while riding to hounds.
One-eyed trouser-snake The thought of marrying the earl and meeting his one-eyed trouser-snake vis a vis made Penelope quite faint.
Quiver bone Scarlett eyed the viscount’s mammoth quiver bone. He was so not planting that in her dugout without a copious serving of lubricant.