Really classy guys and gals can now buy themselves a Pole Dancer Alarm Clock. That’s right, when the alarm goes off, her little glitter ball lights up, the music starts playing and the dancer spins around the pole. Why? Because when it’s too-fucking-early o’clock in the morning, that’s what I need to uplift my spirits—a plastic pole dancer humping a plastic pole. The Lady Biest suspects she’d take her lady hammer to it in under a week.