Listen up ruttish, hedge-born horn-beasts, did you know that April 23, 2014 is Shakespeare’s 450th birthday? I shizz you not! And the Chicago Shakespeare Theatre has a whole website devoted to Talk Like Shakespeare Day with pages on everything from making your own ruff, Shakespearean insults and DNA encoded sonnets. Check out their pointers to talking like Shakespeare below.
Instead of you, say thou or thee (and instead of y’all, say ye).
Rhymed couplets are all the rage.
Men are Sirrah, ladies are Mistress, and your friends are all called Cousin.
Instead of cursing, try calling your tormenters jackanapes or canker-blossoms or poisonous bunch-back’d toads.
Don’t waste time saying "it," just use the letter "t" (’tis, t’will, I’ll do’t).
Verse for lovers, prose for ruffians, songs for clowns.
When in doubt, add the letters "eth" to the end of verbs (he runneth, he trippeth, he falleth).
To add weight to your opinions, try starting them with methinks, mayhaps, in sooth or wherefore.
When wooing ladies: try comparing her to a summer’s day. If that fails, say "Get thee to a nunnery!"
When wooing lads: try dressing up like a man. If that fails, throw him in the Tower, banish his friends and claim the throne.