August is Golf Month. Yes. Month. Most things get a ‘day’ named after them, unless it’s Chinese and it’s an animal, in which case it gets an entire year. Is it any wonder golf is royally up itself? Golf has rules, dress codes, course etiquette. Most clubs even make you pay a fee just to nominate to become a member.
Up itself? Royally. And why? It’s the seediest-sounding sport around. Golf is rife with balls, shafts, members, irons, woods, wedges, grips, and holes-in-one. People play foursomes, four-ball, best ball, and pairs. You can win prizes for longest drive, longest putt, and nearest the pin at golf, and they don’t mean by pulling up your bar stool nearest the lady golfer with the best legs.
If you think about it long enough, golf starts to read like a cross between Pulp Fiction and Pin The Tail On The Donkey. (A donkey with a set of balls that each has 336 dimples).
So how will you celebrate National Golf Month?
On August 1, the Beanie Queen intends to pull out her treasured photos of Aussie golfer, James Nitties, (the older ones where he looked like Vin Diesel.) Thus suitably enthused, she will head to the nearest golf course, and see if she remembers how to swing. And who gives a flying four-ball if she doesn’t cream it on day one? She has the entire month to practice.