The Ninja Blog

Trump erotica broke grasshopper Roz Groves

A little warning: if you are offended by sweariness, overt sexytimes, Donald Trump or interspecies action, this probably is not a piece for you to read. However if, like me, you have no shame or filter, read along with the epic level craziness that these books emit!

I have read some seriously crazy shit in my time reviewing books – unicorn sheikhs, cuttlefish gangbangs, men rooting extra-wide toasters – and as a result, I thought I had a pretty high threshold for when the shit gets weird. But thanks to the Internet, and the inexplicable fascination that some people have with the bewigged one, I think I may just have found my breaking point.

That breaking point is Donald Trump-inspired erotica. The book that pushed me to the edge, and ran me off the cliff with a bulldozer, was the rather brilliantly titled “President Trump’s Gay Hairpiece and the Revenge of the Were-Water Buffalo” by Phoenix Debray. The cover itself should probably have been a red flag.

Yes, that IS a water buffalo dry-humping a toupee in front of the White House.

I really cannot explain how freaking bonkers this was. With lines like “Fuck me like you want to repossess my house” and a scene where the Donald gets surprise buttsex from one half of a rogue hairpiece called Maurice, it is hard to imagine this could get crazier. However...... Phoenix Debray took the WTFery and said "Challenge accepted". Another quick warning: if you wish to maintain a pleasant image of Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson, best to discontinue reading this one. 

Once you've had the image burned into your brain of Donald Trump beating off to The Rock fighting a Chinese were-water buffalo shifter with punches and blowjobs for the right to be transformed into one of them.......well, you may just need some industrial-strength brain bleach.

But HEY! I'm probably going to end up reading past my breaking point. You know why? Because swimming in the ocean of WTFery is a crapload of fun!